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Bad Jokes

 
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cuzzinit




cuzzinit

Joined:
March 16, 2011
Posts: 50

PostPosted: Sat Sep 10, 2011 7:37 pm    Post subject: Bad Jokes Reply with quote

A man was pulled over at 2 am by a policeman. Who asked him where he was going.... The man replied "i'm going to a lecture on alcohol abuse and the effects of it on a marriage" The cop is surprised by that answer and asks " Who would give a lecture on that at THIS time of night "?
The man replied " my wife" Rolling Eyes

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chub4chub
(deleted)









Posted: Sun Sep 11, 2011 9:15 pm    Post subject:

:-)

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cuzzinit




cuzzinit

Joined:
March 16, 2011
Posts: 50

PostPosted: Tue Nov 15, 2011 11:24 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

` Whats the differance a Dispatcher and God ?

after a while God doesn't start beliveing he is a dispatcher

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cuzzinit




cuzzinit

Joined:
March 16, 2011
Posts: 50

PostPosted: Tue Dec 13, 2011 8:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Razz Ok i have an OWL joke.....


Whats grey and has a trunk............






an Owl on vacation....... Rolling Eyes


A hair on the head is worth two in the brush
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cuzzinit




cuzzinit

Joined:
March 16, 2011
Posts: 50

PostPosted: Thu Mar 15, 2012 1:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

How many Flies does it take to screw in a light bulb ?

Two but i don't know how they got there..... Rolling Eyes

A hair on the head is worth two in the brush
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kmland69
(deleted)









Posted: Mon Mar 19, 2012 11:54 am    Post subject:

`How do u turn a dishwasher into a snowplow ? U give the bitch a shovel ! hahhahha Im a girl and I love that joke !

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cuzzinit




cuzzinit

Joined:
March 16, 2011
Posts: 50

PostPosted: Mon Mar 19, 2012 4:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

` Do you know what it means when a man is in bed thrashing about screaming your name ?


Your not pressing hard enough on the pillow.....

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cuzzinit




cuzzinit

Joined:
March 16, 2011
Posts: 50

PostPosted: Sun Mar 25, 2012 9:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

A person is laying on their deathbed, about to die when God visits. God says "You have been a good person, and helped others to be good too, is there something you would like to know before you die ?
The person says Yes God, see this map of the Middle East ? There has been much conflict among people in this area. Why can't they get along ?????
God says, that is very complicated and difficult to explain....do you have something else you'd like to know ?
The person says Yes God, i would like to understand the opposite sex.
God looks at the wall for a second, then says" let me see that map again.....


no genders were bent in telling this joke Laughing

A hair on the head is worth two in the brush
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cuzzinit




cuzzinit

Joined:
March 16, 2011
Posts: 50

PostPosted: Sun Apr 29, 2012 2:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

`A 3 legged Dog walks into the Saloon and says "i'm looking for the man who shot my paw"

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charli2conway




charli2conway

Joined:
April 9, 2013
Posts: 38

PostPosted: Tue Jul 30, 2013 3:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

`A married couple went to hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said that the hospital was testing an amazing new hightech machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labour pain to the baby's father, without the need for any physical connection. He asked if they were interested, both said they were very much in favour of it.

The doctor set the pain transfer to 10 percent for starters, explaining that even 10 percent was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. But as the labour progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20 percent pain transfer.

The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor then checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point they decided to try for 50 percent. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer all the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain, and the husband had experienced none. She and her husband were ecstatic.

...When they got home they found the postman dead on the porch.

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semibrat
(deleted)









Posted: Thu Aug 15, 2013 8:18 pm    Post subject:

charli2conway wrote:
`A married couple went to hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said that the hospital was testing an amazing new hightech machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labour pain to the baby's father, without the need for any physical connection. He asked if they were interested, both said they were very much in favour of it.

The doctor set the pain transfer to 10 percent for starters, explaining that even 10 percent was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. But as the labour progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20 percent pain transfer.

The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor then checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point they decided to try for 50 percent. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer all the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain, and the husband had experienced none. She and her husband were ecstatic.

...When they got home they found the postman dead on the porch.



Love it,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
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charli2conway




charli2conway

Joined:
April 9, 2013
Posts: 38

PostPosted: Sat Aug 17, 2013 9:18 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

`An Englishman, a German and a Frenchman are all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze when, all of a sudden, Saudi police rush in and arrest them. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime of actually being caught consuming the booze, they are all sentenced to death!
However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, they were able to successfully appeal their sentences down to life imprisonment. By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the day their trial finished, and the extremely benevolent Sheikh decided they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes each of the whip.

As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh announced: "It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping.
The German was first in line, he thought for a while and then said: "Please tie a pillow to my back. This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through. When the punishment was done the German had to be carried away and crying with pain.

The Frenchman was next up. After watching the German in horror he said smugly: "Please fix two pillows to my back." But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again and the Frenchman was soon led away whimpering loudly.
The Englishman was the last one up, but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said: "You are from a most beautiful part of the world and your culture is one of the finest in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!"

"Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness," the Englishman replied. "In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes."

"Not only are you an honorable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave," the Sheikh said with an admiring look on his face. "If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish, what is it to be?" the Sheikh asked.

The Englishman smiled and said, "Tie the Frenchman to my back."


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